The Times of Sabira

Hello, its a pleasure writing to you all today, wonder why we are sounding so posh? Its Sabira effect, a woman so eloquent, talking about her in a  blog and using aamchi mumbai-ya accent english and diction just wont do.

Long ago, miss indias were known for two things, exotic beauty and speech that could dictate your country and you would not care, why? Because they used to speak oh so well......just like Koyal ki coo-hoo (not our disinterested Rana wali while Koyal but the black bird singer aka Akshay Kumar's wingman in 90's patooing days). So powerful were their speeches and that immaculate charm that the expanding (miss) world Yukta could snatch a crown from a violent beauty Martina right under her new nose........a scary,bizzare evening gowns by Ritu Kumar (God bless her living soul) that takes a 30 minute segment in primetime tv to explain would not hamper their chances......

Cut to present times, we are playing a dangerous hide and seek game with the speaking segment and generally even being quite is a challenge now (yes Gurleen Grewal, dat was a bullet thrown in ur direction) Sobhita was good as long as she had time and her best fren google to search for quotes but ask her to randomly blab about monkeys and she might end up quoting Jennifer Lopez or sumone just to conceal her mediocrity, we had Kanishta Dhankar who wouldn't win a single round in the now defunct SRK show , kya aap paanchvi paas se tez hai, she might honestly  admit that she's not, that we give to her, a long time ago one of our spies met Manasvi Mamgai and she introduced herself as Hi, im Manasvi, our spy was convinced that she was lying coz she sounded that much fake! Who could forget our english ki raseeli Navneet kaur dillon? A woman who refers anything that isnt repulsive as "goot", so  good or rather goot was her english and general speech that  she delivered one epic speech at an event for which she became a vegetarian for about 30 minutes.......who can forget the bizzare mat-eh-ma-tiks accent of the one time drag queen now a beautiful swan Simran Kaur Mundi???
And on to our queen of this year, we posted already about how Koyal lost her patience during q n a and pretty much said f*(k it, I kno I will win......or the shy mice Gail's rendition of Shyam meaning evening,Of course the pataka Jhataleka still had us swooming with her easy charm and just the right amount of snetence answer.......

What is goin on now? Why cant we hav both? And before you say Parrothy  Omnakuttan ,we wanna remind you to look her face during miss india and miss world or now! Sara Jane Dias, shez skinny now bt her face is sqaure and her smile is dracula-ish (vampire is a compliment,thx to twilight,dracula an insult) the last surviving member of the im beautiful and I can speak clan is Neha Dhupia (Laxmi Pandit was offered to satan as a tribute by Maureen Wadia) yes she has hips but she cleared swimsuit and hell she ranked 9 among 76 delegates, thats something, with people more accepting of differebt sizes these days, she might even have stood 1st in today's time coz let face it, she is stunning!

What is the answer to this questions on why our girls suck at answering these questions??? Its not like they are becoming more beautiful and dumb, they are just becoming more and more ugly and dumb!!! Typhoid Nikita once said, without brains, you wouldn't realise how beaitiful you are, thats true, but sometimes the brains tells you weird things, we need girls who are in touch with reality, know the amount of their beauty (like our past queens) and play up their strengths. We lack beauty and brains and while its possible to become beautiful like the once plain Manasi Moghe, brains are something Sabira.....becchari kitna hi karegi??? And if you wanna argue about ugly girls who speaks well, they are dumber than 77 Gail combined coz a real smart girl wouldnt enter beauty pageants if she's not pretty coz a real intelligent girl would know......Ta-ta girls.....

Credits to photo owners and blah blah bllah...........

Typhoid Mary, unplaced Nikita

Ever heard of Typhoid Mary, she was patient 0 or first patient of the deadly typhoid disease........the disease is treatable now bt still lingers, Our country india was similarly unaware of such a disease until a fat, over confident Nikita won the crown in 2003, we have recovered on and off since but unplaced is a disease we still deal vit.We will never have the feeling of not unplacing since Nikita erupted.Unlike girls these days, she was crowned almost 6 months before miss universe.Nikita never bothered to diet or exercised, her body is soooooooo bad dat even after loosing weight (for a movie, of course) she still had an ugly figure......during mu she even fainted and was criticised for her choice of gown and horrible styling.The night before the pageant, zee cafe held an interview wer she more or less declared that she was gonna win!!!! Thats blind and stupid confidence, something she also help spread among girls especially the newet lot who belive  they will win until they compete and their competitors lay an egg on their faces......so here's a rotten egg to Nikita Anand's face, the girl that started it all.

Credits to image owners.

We are family

Its nice to see the Miss india and her two step sisters step out finally and lo and behold , Gail has gotten  pretty.She will do well at India's very own Miss earth aka miss asia pacific.....Koyal with that flying saucer in her head which also emits vodafone network when necessary looked lovely in her grey gown, we sincerely hope for tennis balls on her chest coz she looks kinda flat, she reminds us of Wenxia Yu pretty and boring nnhope she has the same fate! Oh J, when oder girls do bling, u flash! Always one to standout and make a splash we wefent disappointed.She will do well, WHEREVER she goes, Jhataleka! Bas naam hi kaafi hai.We actually quite like the trio compare to last year and after the wtf pageant telecast on sunday, this is a nice recovery.Good job FMI team.

Bhaag Zoya Bhaag.....bhaag bhaag bose d.k......

We were never a fan of Zoya as a miss india mainly coz of her cottage cheese legs and pumpkin shaped torso, however we always maintained that without them she was an international winner.She did what was expected most out of any miss india, not miss world or miss universe but movies like duh! In a still shot released, she is doin the mandatory debutant bikini run which has made the censor board go uh oooo......given the fact that we hav seen worse, in body fat and cleavage display, we are wondering what tbe heck is the censor boards thinking, like let the run girl, she needs to, without it she wud be bigger than she already is.Lets take a moment here to talk abt the movie in question, we are supremely excited to see this 80's great gatsby meets terminator aka himesh reshamiya's robotic acting. If that werent enuf we hav Honey singh making his debut, plus Ujjawala Raut's sister's nipples are on display, worth every penny of 300rs pvr tickets!!!
The very hungry Zoya sings, ice cream khaoongi kashmir jaoongi like wtf !!! Who wrote this? Whoever it is shud lock himself up in a dungeon and feed himself to rats and mosquitoes......we cant wait for this movie, the last unintentional laugh riot came like 10 years ago with the cleavage rani Celina, queen kangana, the useless deol Bobby and the made in a gay factory Upen Patel.This one is also gonna be a box office disaster and we are already picking out our clothes for the "success" party.........btw Zoya is dating siddhart, the white loud mouth liliput from splitsvilla and bigg boss famous for his rendition of mujhpe marti thi tu, roz €#@&  ne ke liye sms karti thi to the Kenya Moore of India Pooja Mishra who told him to talk to her a$$, we for one would love to hav a conversation with her tooh and let it speak on the places it has been to........All in all, Zoya deserved a movie after years of acting as a child prop and doing the miss india yhing but we are not sure what we did to deserve this sure to be get a cult status (and possibly an Oscar)of a movie which releases next month!

Mediocre Miss Indias

Before turning into a complete man, Nicole Faria our only Miss earth to date and flop "actress" from the most regressive movie of our time, Yaariyan has a declaration to make, pageants are rigged! Of course she tried to deny later that she was talking about miss india, well she only ever lost to lets face it, a clearly mediocre Manasvi Mamgai (lots of M's) so if not that then does she mean she was miss earth coz it was rigged? Clearly not!! This is an age old pr work, for you amatures......you say watever u wnat, make the noise and later deny .damage is done, u made r point and u later "apologised".As we are pressured by our President Osmel to investigate this nonsense matter of a statemnet made by a dying candle we look back and chooe our mediocre miss indias (we are tempted to say 97% of them lately)from a sea of wtf winners and wtf "reigners" of our times.......here the report.

2014-Koyal vs Jhataleka, Blingtaleka was miles ahead of Koyal during finale, Miss Rana didnt even bother to finish her final answer coz she got bored talking and knew she was gonna win anyway, non threatening girls like gail, lopa, simran,amarjot (kaun hai yeh aadmi!!? )made the cut over some competitive girls who stole the night with their performances.It was pretty clear that there was favouritism....
2013-Miss Kaur Dillen vs Sobhita, this was the year that favouritism was more evident than ever.With so many girls outdoing the eventual winner in style, intelligence and over all performance.The prettiest still won by favouritism, although a Marilyn Monroe quoting Sobhita nailed the pageant, she went home with a smaller bt less ugly crown.
2012-Favouritism or not , no Shamata or Ipsita wudve rocked Miss world like Vanya did, and if it was rigged, we are happy it was.
2011-Kanishta is a dead fish, she looks slippery and empty.She is a great model and thats that.Hasleen although sumtyms she looks like a small boy was better coz she has some personality and was prepared as fucked for miss earth.
2010-if Nicole isnt happy we also hav one simple word to say to her, Dimple! She came back like Jesus blessed her personally and wudve preferred her over the final 3 put together.She looks rich n classy and cant pretend to care abt children and oder needy people.
2009-Harshita shudve gone to MU,yes her jaw is scary and she is tooooooo much into pageants bt she was good, the elite girl Ekta of course won followed by the dramatic pooja and right place right time shriya coz harshita cudnt win earth twice.
2008-everyone knew parrothy was gonna win, she was good and also favoured.Simran was a great surprise and Harshita also looked better in 08.
2007-Blasphemy! !!!Talkative Tun Tun won over goddess Puja G(top5 at mw 4 sure) and pooja c (top 5 at mu for sure) esha gupta, sum nicole girl and several oders, ofcourse now sarah is skinny coz she has to do movies whih r more imp than representing ur country it seems.
2006-We all knew Neha was gonna win, end of story, vibhinta and some girls were wasted though, like the matchstick Garima and pretend photographer Montu.
2005-its coz of Amrita's victory due to her loudmouth that all this has started.so blame her people!!! Sindhura also added insult to injury, Miss Lovely Niharika was good though.

Credit to santa banta for image.

Credits to owner of images.

We were updating this on all posts but got tired so we are declaring this here, Credits to owner of images and whoever claims rights over it, no need to pursue legal anything, we are the police, ghar ki baat hai, email bhrj ke suljha do.

Jatt to Jaat.

April 5 2014 "marc"ed the end of our resident fashion victim Navneet Kaur Dillen (how she pronounces it, not us), she with Megan Young (will she be called Megan Old when she's 40?) Crowned the beautiful and insipid Koyal Rana.Navneet's reign was a mess and sometimes it was more of a rain than a reign, as to how she didnt get dethroned is beyond us, she did get banished and will remain so for the rest of her life it seems, Megan looking regal in a ghagra via Agra had a different agenda, she had a point to prove to Jacqueline Fernandez for some reason and kept on pestering her. Koyal looked happy, as happy as her miniscule expressions allowed her to be, it would be interesting to see her compete at MW as we've never had a Caucasian Indian competing, while its safe to say that we have a different Miss India some may argue, how different is she to say, Navneet coz the girl is dead on stage and barely muttered a line or two like our beloved lady always in black.Here's wishing her all the best.

Credits to owner of images.

From Miss piggy to jerry from tom and jerry

The  beautiful Miss pigy crowned jerry the mouse as 2nd runners up.With Gail being so empty and confused , the enthusiasm and love with which Zoya handed her the crown was like watching a casannova playing hot and cold with the class behenji.Little known fact is that these two girls competed and actually became good friends (pageant frens, the I wont bitch too much about you and wont throw ur clothes into the dustbin friendship, not real friendship where u do the above things only when u are mad at each other)Gail also may represent India sumwer and hopefully will be aware of her sorroundings and a world actually functioning other than her circle by the time that happens.When not lookibg for directions (in life, not on the road) Gail loves to model and walks the ramp for important events such as local darzee awards Goa edition, she likes to form a solid base of thoughts and string them along to obscurity as she gazes into a random galazy of invisible wisdom.As a miss india (runners up, bow down to Julia Morley) she hopes to gain some confidence and mentally jot down what Sabira Merchant teaches her and translates them into Urdu and then write them down in Hebrew and recite each sentence in Arabic.Here's to multi dimensional diagonal to a lost puppy Gail Nicole D'Silva (too long a name, I miss saying Zoya or simply the fat one, it was much easier).

Credits to owner of images.

Aap jaisa koi meri zindagi mein aaye toh BAAP ban jaaye.........

Mika opened the show with sawan mein lag gayi aag, ok indeed, the girls looked great in their cheap FBB clothes as they emerged from different ccorners of the stage, also Bheegi Bhains Sonakshi performed to a tribute to Zeenie Baby, shouldn't an ex miss india be doing this? Has all of them died? Last I saw, 42 of ex miss indias attended the sub title ceremony and 35 of then were doing movies, is this their version of lifetime achievement award?well anywho, why the random tribute to Zeenat whoz title dont even exist anymore (Srishti Rana, take a oen and a paper and write this down, ur Miss Asia Pacific title is the michael kors bag sold in bandra) anyways honey singh also performed, glad he didnt choose the song ch#t to perform, shraddha came, sans her homeless and delicious bf Aditya n was huffing n puffing after she performed as if she just climbed the mt .Everest in a matter of minutes, lastly, shahid kapoor came n declared that he is forver young, im actually mad at him coz he had these waiter looking background dancers whom I was chasing all night coz I was hungry and I though they were serving something, I even asked one of them, true story..........well that was the show, hope its as boring on tv coz I want you all o go through the shit I went through and suffer as you watched the death of a show which used to be exciting a few years ago.

Credits to owner of images.

Maa ka doodh piya hai toh

MOOH utha ke baat kar, yes, the caption is wrong in the photo but we are lazy and couldnt bother about what Sobhita has to say, still a lil dejected from last year's 2nd position crown, she crowned a much suitable contender to be upset over her demotion , the F.A.B.O.L.O.U.S Jhataleka as the new 1st runners up (I was gonna write miss india earth but I am afraid Julia Morley will sit on me as she did to the Haiti kids) Jhataleka or Nikhila should have won, period! We were there and for a moment after Jhataleka was unfairly crowned 2nd, we hoped that the nourished Medusa Nikhila would win the crown bt aint that happening here, the horse is looking.Sobhita does things vit style so she kissed the crown and imprinted the crown with her saliva so that Jhataleka always remmebers where it came from............

Credits to owner of images.

Lo aa gayi sab ko lubhaane khichdi.........

Credits to owner of images.

The cast of the famous tv show Khichdi were invited to judge the Finals of FBB (My maid's servants favourite store) Femina Miss India,
Tulsidas Parekh aka Manish Malhotra the veteran in this field spearheaded the proceedings finding it hard and trying not to get hard with the two Vs Vijender and Vidyut, he survived the evening sipping mocktails and eating fish fingers in the shape of you know what!

Jayshree Parekh aka The ever reliable Malaika Arora Khan and her four head lights two in the front and 2 in the back came as well and over see the procedures while trying to frown her frozen eye brows

Praful aka Honey Singh the ever so smart and entertaining Honey judhmged, performed and pretended he knew what was said in english throughout the heavily delayed ceremony.

Hansa Bhabhi aka Megan Young came as well, not as smart as Hansa but bedmfitting the character due to her expression when Ritesh said chal jhoti, she asked Praful, jhotti matlab???arre hansa jhotti matlab......we died.

Jacki aka Jacqueline Fernandez came as well dressed in a purple/blue midnight cow collar monstrosity flashing her gums she judged as she thought to herself in broken hindi, I was in pageants too sometime in 2006.....

Chakki aka Vijender who several years ago used to be a boxer but is now doing a movie coz we do not have enough actors in india or Lokhandwala and there are too many people trying to get us medals in sports came to see and look  smart he did.

Bhavesh aka Abhay the ever hungry and recently broke actor came to tell us that its all rumours and he still has money by donning last season Zara blazers taht were in sale this febuary for 2099 rupees (it was jus so easy , sorry abhay)

Raju aka Vidyut, he came to see the girls, period, Mona Wasu is wearing btaces and making mms-es so he would much rather find a new Jassi....

These are the people who were paid or came to put themselves on mumbai times the next day in exchange for taking blame for the fucked up khichdi that was cooked on 5th april 2014.
Good job guys......

BTW the real khichdi cookers will be unmasked in the next few days so get ready citizens of pageantverse....

THE GREAT FINALE REVIEW IS HERE!!!!!

OK we admit, we are late but we are the damn police, did you expect us on time?? Down to business, put down your drinks and switch off your tvs, as we do the review in several parts, the first part BUTT obvious the winners and of course the REAL winners.....

Miss India World-Koyal Rana, she isnt related to the weight gaining zombie Srishti Rana FYI, and no u cant play name antakshari and say koyal rana rana dugabatti, thats offensive!!! Miss Rana is made of  white marbles and havnt stepped out in the sun since she was 3 years old, she famously beat the self porclaimed unbeatable pageant Titanic Urvashi Rot-in-hella and pageantdog millionaire Vanya Mishra at Miss Teen, her interest lies in being beautiful and staying beautiful, she dips herself in a concoction of honey, milk and cement daily to maintain that alabaster skin, Ankita Shoerey came up with that beauty regime, I cant talk more of Ankita, coz she was spotted with a giant weapon hanging in her nose at the finale. It looked dangerous! Koyal loves to do charity where her skin was made, the united kingdom, she has a headfull of extensions and word vomits.Interesting fact/fiction-when she was 15, her parents painted her room white and she used to play hide and seek with her siblings and simply paste herself on the wall and no one could find her. Allegedly during the pageant, she was known for her punctuality as in like complete lack of it.She was allegedly heard thanking some interesting things backstage....like a horse woman, a circus doll and her hotel neighbour? Like WTF!
CBI Investigation reveals-horse woman is a contributor this year with a pageant-y past, circus doll is jus circus freak and hotel neighbour is someone whoz name rhymes with father, brother or sister.When asked what did she learned from her co-contestant, she murmured her way around the bush until her quota of english words ran out and she had just two words left thank and you so she said thank you and left and came back for the crowning and looked surprised as f*ck as she was announced, maybe we would be as well after that answer she gave.Finally alls well that ends well.......ummm no! She is being tossed around like a rotten banana in a South Uganda zoo full of a 1000 hungry chimpanzees who havnt eaten for 2 weeks on facebook on the femina page.Well we only report, hum toh bhala hi chahte hai logon ka, so all the best to you Koyal for Miss World and remember, london bridge is falling down is JUST a song.

1st runner-up-Jhataleka Malhotra, our favourite contestant by far this year, the definition of gold, diamonds and everything that sparkles......Oxford dictionary describes the word Jhataleka as shimmer, shine, sparkle and everything that glitters.The woman who can light up a small electricity deprived village in Bihar by jus saying, im here! Sparkled all night she did, brought along an enthusiastic male supporter who was making a dying octopus noise everytime she came onstage, watching her perform her glittery best and to be crowned by still frowning over her 2nd place position Sobhita was a sight to see, the unruly noisy teenagers Koyal brought breathe a huge sigh of relief as Jhataleka was announced as 1st runners up.After a performance like hers to be given 2nd place is much like making someone eat the spoon of rice you just chewed.Where and how will we ever get such a fatak for lack of better words to represent us in Miss world again, miss earth----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- is not a pageant,it just doesnt deserve the silks and swarovski Jhataleka had saved up for miss world.Anywho we are upset but happy she won something.We met her yesterday near PCJ Jewelry showroom , she was there to add sparkles and stones to her crown, never disappointing she is.......We love you J.

3rd place- From mouse to house, our favourite shor-tay Gail won, like she WON and consistent that she is, she still looked lost throughout, keeping to herself and the urdu speaking voices in her head.Crowned by Zoya who herself just dipped herself in Ankita Shoerey's whitening honey cement bath she couldnt react, out of shock or just plain confused on what had just happened or how she ended up on stage or why we eat bread for breakfast, she accepted the crown and took her walk, Gail famously won miss india goa last year and went on to place in the top 10 at the finals, she was known for cute face, random quotes and generally random expressions. We predicted she would eat shit again this year but she won and  served us fresh shit and we had to eat it while he watched us confused as to what was happening and telling us eat it at the same time.She will go to Supra something or the Japanese tea ceremony called miss international we honestly dont care, we wish her all the best in life and her pageant endeavours, what we would prefer is for her to sign a movie n do what she would eventually end up doing like the milky and frankly, beautiful Zoya Afroz.

Finale Update

Finale update will soon come.We are still waiting on some of the reports our moles are providing and its just too juicy to pose aivaaye......Savdhaan india..........btw Modi was copious by his absence and how Koyal made bail to compete.......for any complaints, write into pageant.police1@gmail.com

Preliminary Part 2-The very important subtitles.

Prelims happened yesterday, not much wtf winners but we're also left with many questions than answers, its always interesting to dissect these titles and really see if they hold anything in the pageant.Lets talk about the first 8 that seem so important by the way they sound, we could not help but club them together.So here are the 2 d set of winners.......

1.Tj Bhanu/Miss Vivacious-Ok, seems like it has something to do with vibes and personality.Our sources are quick to say that its given to the loudest, most out there contestant, of course in a nice way so congrats Bhanu, you are officially heard now.
2.Best Costume-Our beloved leader of the bling ring Jhataleka wins this one, we loved that they added this.However what good is it really gonna do to a contestant? Its better they have designers competing and the winner gets like a spread in Femina Magazine.
3.Miss Sudoku-Calista Malati Flockhart Chahar is our winner, of course it takes brains to play sudoku but you can also lose this game to your 12 years old nephew or your 67 years old grandfather.
4.Miss Active-Tj's white shadow Nikhila as we got to know from Sri Lanka got this title.Active we would judge on how active a girl is throughout the entire pageant and not hide around and be sick all the time ahem**Koyal Rana**but thy were judge on a bunh of activities to see who does best kinda like our next title

5.Miss Iron Maiden-Deepti got this one.The girls spaced through dumbbells , squats and what not??I dunno why these are an assemble, why cant they merge all these activity titles and call it Miss Sports?
6.Miss Congeniality-Sandra Bullock won this fair and square but givenbthe nature of pageants these days, the title goes to the whoz least threatening like Arpita Kaur here.
7.Miss Lifestyle-Unless they were monitored since childhood for their lifestyle choices, I do not get this title.Ofcourse a sponsor is standing next to Sahithya Jaganathan so that partly answer my question.
8.Miss Waterbaby-Manasi crowned her half daughter Mansi Grewal as a waterbaby........it has something to do with swimming and hopefully red one piece swimsuit and lots of running ala Pam Anderson.

Costume cry

We love Jhataleka  , its no new story but we are irked that she won  best costume over some heavy favorites.....Havaldar Hansa is investigating the case.........the done to death peacock mare hiwda mein naache mor holds no candle to the lotus devi  or shortay's who gives a f*ck about theme this is an elaborate outfit......We are surprised Jhataleka didnt win Photogenic aand equally surprised she got this one......stay tuned for more on this......

Who won???

Miss Talent-One of the most important sub-title as it is directly linked to a Miss World fat track  left us with a big question mark.We have two pics, and the CBI is at work  coming up with their theories and conclusion.Here's the report.
1.Yoshiki is getting sashed and  Deepti is standing at the back.a) Yoshiki won and got the crown and Deepti due to a closed called was announced as runner up later, b) Deepti is the winnet and Yoshiki was crowned first as runner up..
2.Deepti is given a prize and stuff but has no sash.Yoshiki has no picture up.
3.Yoshiki is a singer and Deepti a dancer, If Asha Bhonsle and Helen  were to face off, who would win?
Our experts have declared Yoshiki Sindhar as the winner, for now........

Without further adieu, here are the sub titles that means something.

By something we mean, it means  these titles are easier to digest.....Its past midnight so we are all tired and not willing to be corrupted sobwe will be writing a quick I couldnt care less report.
1.Miss Healthy Skin-Koyal Rana of course like DUH! She has such healthy skin she even endorsed a skin care face wash, not nutrogena ao we're pretending we dont knoe.
2.Miss RampWalk-As per our predictions before this event, Varsha Gopal got this easy win..See you at fashion week Varsha, Gopal ko leke aana.......
3.Miss Adventurous-Ok yeah it does sound like the rest of the lame 8 titles but winner Yoshiki Sindhar (who also got this title in delhi last year) got aYAMAHA RAY!!!! If she wins a crown, whih she may, she will hav 2 rays.....its a winner's prize and when you get a winner's prize , your sash can  say Miss Electric Bulb and it will still matter.
4.Timeless beauty-Yo Yo Yo waddup, shor-tay in da hoise, please stand up!!! Gail  the pint size beauty got this one and appropriately so, she is beautifully childlike and still growing.30 never she's gonna be.
5.Best Body-Lopamudra, no surprises there, finally Shilpa Shetty has competition. The girl with the never ending legs and curve pah pah wins this for the 3rd time!!!!!
6.Miss Beautiful Hair-One half of the tag team Bhanu and Nikhu, Nikhila got crowned this title by Manasi Moghe sporting the most beautiful hair.This victory is a lil questionale coz Nikhila has thick but unruly hair.
7.Smile-Irshika Malhotra got this title, winners of this title usually do well or completely disappear, Irshika, where do you stand?
8.Jantee Hazarika-Tum Jantee ho, mujhe do sub titles mile? Hawwww......the NE beauty got Miss Photogenic and Fashion Icon, fashion icon she deserves 110%, photogenic??? Shudve gone to our fav pataka Jhataleka or Yoshiki.

Gulaab gang has a new member.....and she is RICH!

The very elegant and smiley Julia Gimme Morely sat,as usual smiling,as sub-contest was about to start at this year's Miss India.With such a peculiar smile, one cant help but sing,"tum itna jo mushkura rahe ho, kya gham hai jisko chhupa rahe ho............???"

Wearinga  gulaabi blazer she was all poised to take on Trump or Frump or anyon.She might have been labeled a lesbian psychopath many times at some pageant forums but that doesnt affect this true Gulaabi Gang member.......yeh dhoti fadh ke lene walo mein se hai....

Zinda hoon main........

Sings Zoya Afroz letting us know that she's still alive and not really kicking anything besides her stash of flavoured toffee wrappers.......singing along was equally absent Navneet Kaur Dhillon (whoz slowly morphing into Morticia Adams, or has been attending a lot of funerals lately) again in black.....5th time in a row we caught her in black! A very chested Sobhita D joined as she avoided jamming the sharp edges of the crown into a certain sumone's eye balls.
The new crowns are better than last year and a lot better than the barb wire Vanya Mishra had to wear for a year.Here's hoping they crown better winners than these 3 very confusing Miss Indias.

Main Yukta Mookhey banna chahti hoon

We salute our resident shor-tay Gail for her efforts to Olivia Culpo her destiny......beauty pageants are highly based on height n 99% of them have a requirement thats y we salute Gail for laying eggs on those requirements n coming back year after year to try hwr luck.A sound advice to her would be to concentrate on commercials and print coz she has a doe eye, lovely serene beauty bt cant fight vit the glamazons vit their even bigger personalities........

Mansi Moghe and Gurleen Grewal had a baby.......And thy named her Mansi Grewal!

Our last Grewal Miss India in memory is the over enthusiastic 5 years old trapped in a 20 years old body Gurleen Grewal so here our focus on mashup of last year's Diva winners Mansi Moghe and Gurleen Grewal........Frankly shez pretty, tries her best, yada yada yada filaana dhimkana but girl is not winning this, at best we see her decked out in make up and going to bed as our moms watches what Komolika's next move is gonna be.She does have potential to make top 10 n we salute her for that Sana Khan anyone?

BYE BYE Calista Flockhart, there's a new bag of bones in town

The reigning queen of pop out bones has a new competition, the jaw droppingly beautiful and equally jaw droppingly skinny Malati Chahar, not one but she has the BEST face of the coming Miss India competition!But Malati lacks one very important thing, muscles and fats.......she could win over anyone with her beuatiful smile and cheekbones galore.....jaw jaw jaw, Tyra Banks wud orgasm onnher face but alas, the girl is way too skinny and is naturally so, so that would make it harder for her to gain, all we can say is All the best Malati.

Chilly Mumbai night.....

Last night residents of Mumbai city experienced a sudden breeze of cold as Navneet Kaur Dhillon "greeted" the age appropriate Megan Young .The two famously clashed at miss world last year and were tortured wrapped by fans of the opposite sides......Megan came out victorious and a contractually obligated Miss Dhillon greeted her at Mumbai airport for the upcoming Femina Miss India 2014 finale.......Julia was absent in these photos maybe still in shock over her unfortunate yet lets admit it funny Haiti accident.May the queen live long and no we are not talking about you Megan, the real queen of queens Mata Julia Morely......Gimme Gimme More (ly)

Remember me? Now you will remember her.

The last famous Varsha we know of is our beloved Varsha Usgaonkar who used to appear in movies when I was yet to be a fetus.......She would want people to take notice of her namesake contestant Varsha Gopal.Unlike Usgaonkar, Gopal is tall , modelesque and frankly intimidating.Im trying not to look at her pics while typing this coz it makes me feel ugly.By Miss India standards Varsha is the girl who comes to compete to oil her already running modelling train and thats what we love about her......she will do great as a model and thats what she should do.She should take this opportunity, fill he tank and off she go, look out Dayana Eruption sorry Errapa.......

Aaina, Parchay......The curious case of Nikhila and Bhanu

Case of opposites but yet so same......two frontrunners  of this year's Pageant, Tj Bhanu and Nikhila Nandgopal.We are pageant servants and take our jobs very seriously, so here are a few points why these two unlikely girls r so similar in the most opposite ways......
1.Bhanu wont speak in english while Nikhila cant speak in hindi.
2.Bhanu is chocolate dark anf Nikhila is vanilla white.
3.If Bhanu has T and J, Nikhila has Nand and Gopal.
4.If Nikhila is a hit with masses, Bhanu is pageant classes choice.
5.Nikhila is short while Bhanu towers over 90% of the delegates.

The Fabulous Life of Jhataleka Malhotra

Very rarely in life do we live up to our name, but few people comes in as a ray of hope like our next object of envy, a favourite at our office, meet the queen of bling and oh so appropriately named , Jhataleka Malhotra. NO she isnt a felon, except for a income tax raid in 2013 for her diamond encrusted Mercedes, this lady has never been in any legal hassle dassle......From cars to phones, all blinged out.What more could a girl asked for?? We know, the diamond nexus crown.We love J for all that she represents and can just feel Trump goin Jhata over her Lekas.We wonder if she will come back for Diva (like she needs that title to be called one!) But we highly doubt her doin wel at world.Universe? She will BLIND them out.Check out Jhataleka and her many jhatak items......