OK we admit, we are late but we are the damn police, did you expect us on time?? Down to business, put down your drinks and switch off your tvs, as we do the review in several parts, the first part BUTT obvious the winners and of course the REAL winners.....
Miss India World-Koyal Rana, she isnt related to the weight gaining zombie Srishti Rana FYI, and no u cant play name antakshari and say koyal rana rana dugabatti, thats offensive!!! Miss Rana is made of white marbles and havnt stepped out in the sun since she was 3 years old, she famously beat the self porclaimed unbeatable pageant Titanic Urvashi Rot-in-hella and pageantdog millionaire Vanya Mishra at Miss Teen, her interest lies in being beautiful and staying beautiful, she dips herself in a concoction of honey, milk and cement daily to maintain that alabaster skin, Ankita Shoerey came up with that beauty regime, I cant talk more of Ankita, coz she was spotted with a giant weapon hanging in her nose at the finale. It looked dangerous! Koyal loves to do charity where her skin was made, the united kingdom, she has a headfull of extensions and word vomits.Interesting fact/fiction-when she was 15, her parents painted her room white and she used to play hide and seek with her siblings and simply paste herself on the wall and no one could find her. Allegedly during the pageant, she was known for her punctuality as in like complete lack of it.She was allegedly heard thanking some interesting things backstage....like a horse woman, a circus doll and her hotel neighbour? Like WTF!
CBI Investigation reveals-horse woman is a contributor this year with a pageant-y past, circus doll is jus circus freak and hotel neighbour is someone whoz name rhymes with father, brother or sister.When asked what did she learned from her co-contestant, she murmured her way around the bush until her quota of english words ran out and she had just two words left thank and you so she said thank you and left and came back for the crowning and looked surprised as f*ck as she was announced, maybe we would be as well after that answer she gave.Finally alls well that ends well.......ummm no! She is being tossed around like a rotten banana in a South Uganda zoo full of a 1000 hungry chimpanzees who havnt eaten for 2 weeks on facebook on the femina page.Well we only report, hum toh bhala hi chahte hai logon ka, so all the best to you Koyal for Miss World and remember, london bridge is falling down is JUST a song.
1st runner-up-Jhataleka Malhotra, our favourite contestant by far this year, the definition of gold, diamonds and everything that sparkles......Oxford dictionary describes the word Jhataleka as shimmer, shine, sparkle and everything that glitters.The woman who can light up a small electricity deprived village in Bihar by jus saying, im here! Sparkled all night she did, brought along an enthusiastic male supporter who was making a dying octopus noise everytime she came onstage, watching her perform her glittery best and to be crowned by still frowning over her 2nd place position Sobhita was a sight to see, the unruly noisy teenagers Koyal brought breathe a huge sigh of relief as Jhataleka was announced as 1st runners up.After a performance like hers to be given 2nd place is much like making someone eat the spoon of rice you just chewed.Where and how will we ever get such a fatak for lack of better words to represent us in Miss world again, miss earth----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- is not a pageant,it just doesnt deserve the silks and swarovski Jhataleka had saved up for miss world.Anywho we are upset but happy she won something.We met her yesterday near PCJ Jewelry showroom , she was there to add sparkles and stones to her crown, never disappointing she is.......We love you J.
3rd place- From mouse to house, our favourite shor-tay Gail won, like she WON and consistent that she is, she still looked lost throughout, keeping to herself and the urdu speaking voices in her head.Crowned by Zoya who herself just dipped herself in Ankita Shoerey's whitening honey cement bath she couldnt react, out of shock or just plain confused on what had just happened or how she ended up on stage or why we eat bread for breakfast, she accepted the crown and took her walk, Gail famously won miss india goa last year and went on to place in the top 10 at the finals, she was known for cute face, random quotes and generally random expressions. We predicted she would eat shit again this year but she won and served us fresh shit and we had to eat it while he watched us confused as to what was happening and telling us eat it at the same time.She will go to Supra something or the Japanese tea ceremony called miss international we honestly dont care, we wish her all the best in life and her pageant endeavours, what we would prefer is for her to sign a movie n do what she would eventually end up doing like the milky and frankly, beautiful Zoya Afroz.
