The Times of Sabira

Hello, its a pleasure writing to you all today, wonder why we are sounding so posh? Its Sabira effect, a woman so eloquent, talking about her in a  blog and using aamchi mumbai-ya accent english and diction just wont do.

Long ago, miss indias were known for two things, exotic beauty and speech that could dictate your country and you would not care, why? Because they used to speak oh so well......just like Koyal ki coo-hoo (not our disinterested Rana wali while Koyal but the black bird singer aka Akshay Kumar's wingman in 90's patooing days). So powerful were their speeches and that immaculate charm that the expanding (miss) world Yukta could snatch a crown from a violent beauty Martina right under her new nose........a scary,bizzare evening gowns by Ritu Kumar (God bless her living soul) that takes a 30 minute segment in primetime tv to explain would not hamper their chances......

Cut to present times, we are playing a dangerous hide and seek game with the speaking segment and generally even being quite is a challenge now (yes Gurleen Grewal, dat was a bullet thrown in ur direction) Sobhita was good as long as she had time and her best fren google to search for quotes but ask her to randomly blab about monkeys and she might end up quoting Jennifer Lopez or sumone just to conceal her mediocrity, we had Kanishta Dhankar who wouldn't win a single round in the now defunct SRK show , kya aap paanchvi paas se tez hai, she might honestly  admit that she's not, that we give to her, a long time ago one of our spies met Manasvi Mamgai and she introduced herself as Hi, im Manasvi, our spy was convinced that she was lying coz she sounded that much fake! Who could forget our english ki raseeli Navneet kaur dillon? A woman who refers anything that isnt repulsive as "goot", so  good or rather goot was her english and general speech that  she delivered one epic speech at an event for which she became a vegetarian for about 30 minutes.......who can forget the bizzare mat-eh-ma-tiks accent of the one time drag queen now a beautiful swan Simran Kaur Mundi???
And on to our queen of this year, we posted already about how Koyal lost her patience during q n a and pretty much said f*(k it, I kno I will win......or the shy mice Gail's rendition of Shyam meaning evening,Of course the pataka Jhataleka still had us swooming with her easy charm and just the right amount of snetence answer.......

What is goin on now? Why cant we hav both? And before you say Parrothy  Omnakuttan ,we wanna remind you to look her face during miss india and miss world or now! Sara Jane Dias, shez skinny now bt her face is sqaure and her smile is dracula-ish (vampire is a compliment,thx to twilight,dracula an insult) the last surviving member of the im beautiful and I can speak clan is Neha Dhupia (Laxmi Pandit was offered to satan as a tribute by Maureen Wadia) yes she has hips but she cleared swimsuit and hell she ranked 9 among 76 delegates, thats something, with people more accepting of differebt sizes these days, she might even have stood 1st in today's time coz let face it, she is stunning!

What is the answer to this questions on why our girls suck at answering these questions??? Its not like they are becoming more beautiful and dumb, they are just becoming more and more ugly and dumb!!! Typhoid Nikita once said, without brains, you wouldn't realise how beaitiful you are, thats true, but sometimes the brains tells you weird things, we need girls who are in touch with reality, know the amount of their beauty (like our past queens) and play up their strengths. We lack beauty and brains and while its possible to become beautiful like the once plain Manasi Moghe, brains are something Sabira.....becchari kitna hi karegi??? And if you wanna argue about ugly girls who speaks well, they are dumber than 77 Gail combined coz a real smart girl wouldnt enter beauty pageants if she's not pretty coz a real intelligent girl would know......Ta-ta girls.....

Credits to photo owners and blah blah bllah...........

Typhoid Mary, unplaced Nikita

Ever heard of Typhoid Mary, she was patient 0 or first patient of the deadly typhoid disease........the disease is treatable now bt still lingers, Our country india was similarly unaware of such a disease until a fat, over confident Nikita won the crown in 2003, we have recovered on and off since but unplaced is a disease we still deal vit.We will never have the feeling of not unplacing since Nikita erupted.Unlike girls these days, she was crowned almost 6 months before miss universe.Nikita never bothered to diet or exercised, her body is soooooooo bad dat even after loosing weight (for a movie, of course) she still had an ugly figure......during mu she even fainted and was criticised for her choice of gown and horrible styling.The night before the pageant, zee cafe held an interview wer she more or less declared that she was gonna win!!!! Thats blind and stupid confidence, something she also help spread among girls especially the newet lot who belive  they will win until they compete and their competitors lay an egg on their faces......so here's a rotten egg to Nikita Anand's face, the girl that started it all.

Credits to image owners.

We are family

Its nice to see the Miss india and her two step sisters step out finally and lo and behold , Gail has gotten  pretty.She will do well at India's very own Miss earth aka miss asia pacific.....Koyal with that flying saucer in her head which also emits vodafone network when necessary looked lovely in her grey gown, we sincerely hope for tennis balls on her chest coz she looks kinda flat, she reminds us of Wenxia Yu pretty and boring nnhope she has the same fate! Oh J, when oder girls do bling, u flash! Always one to standout and make a splash we wefent disappointed.She will do well, WHEREVER she goes, Jhataleka! Bas naam hi kaafi hai.We actually quite like the trio compare to last year and after the wtf pageant telecast on sunday, this is a nice recovery.Good job FMI team.

Bhaag Zoya Bhaag.....bhaag bhaag bose d.k......

We were never a fan of Zoya as a miss india mainly coz of her cottage cheese legs and pumpkin shaped torso, however we always maintained that without them she was an international winner.She did what was expected most out of any miss india, not miss world or miss universe but movies like duh! In a still shot released, she is doin the mandatory debutant bikini run which has made the censor board go uh oooo......given the fact that we hav seen worse, in body fat and cleavage display, we are wondering what tbe heck is the censor boards thinking, like let the run girl, she needs to, without it she wud be bigger than she already is.Lets take a moment here to talk abt the movie in question, we are supremely excited to see this 80's great gatsby meets terminator aka himesh reshamiya's robotic acting. If that werent enuf we hav Honey singh making his debut, plus Ujjawala Raut's sister's nipples are on display, worth every penny of 300rs pvr tickets!!!
The very hungry Zoya sings, ice cream khaoongi kashmir jaoongi like wtf !!! Who wrote this? Whoever it is shud lock himself up in a dungeon and feed himself to rats and mosquitoes......we cant wait for this movie, the last unintentional laugh riot came like 10 years ago with the cleavage rani Celina, queen kangana, the useless deol Bobby and the made in a gay factory Upen Patel.This one is also gonna be a box office disaster and we are already picking out our clothes for the "success" party.........btw Zoya is dating siddhart, the white loud mouth liliput from splitsvilla and bigg boss famous for his rendition of mujhpe marti thi tu, roz €#@&  ne ke liye sms karti thi to the Kenya Moore of India Pooja Mishra who told him to talk to her a$$, we for one would love to hav a conversation with her tooh and let it speak on the places it has been to........All in all, Zoya deserved a movie after years of acting as a child prop and doing the miss india yhing but we are not sure what we did to deserve this sure to be get a cult status (and possibly an Oscar)of a movie which releases next month!

Mediocre Miss Indias

Before turning into a complete man, Nicole Faria our only Miss earth to date and flop "actress" from the most regressive movie of our time, Yaariyan has a declaration to make, pageants are rigged! Of course she tried to deny later that she was talking about miss india, well she only ever lost to lets face it, a clearly mediocre Manasvi Mamgai (lots of M's) so if not that then does she mean she was miss earth coz it was rigged? Clearly not!! This is an age old pr work, for you amatures......you say watever u wnat, make the noise and later deny .damage is done, u made r point and u later "apologised".As we are pressured by our President Osmel to investigate this nonsense matter of a statemnet made by a dying candle we look back and chooe our mediocre miss indias (we are tempted to say 97% of them lately)from a sea of wtf winners and wtf "reigners" of our times.......here the report.

2014-Koyal vs Jhataleka, Blingtaleka was miles ahead of Koyal during finale, Miss Rana didnt even bother to finish her final answer coz she got bored talking and knew she was gonna win anyway, non threatening girls like gail, lopa, simran,amarjot (kaun hai yeh aadmi!!? )made the cut over some competitive girls who stole the night with their performances.It was pretty clear that there was favouritism....
2013-Miss Kaur Dillen vs Sobhita, this was the year that favouritism was more evident than ever.With so many girls outdoing the eventual winner in style, intelligence and over all performance.The prettiest still won by favouritism, although a Marilyn Monroe quoting Sobhita nailed the pageant, she went home with a smaller bt less ugly crown.
2012-Favouritism or not , no Shamata or Ipsita wudve rocked Miss world like Vanya did, and if it was rigged, we are happy it was.
2011-Kanishta is a dead fish, she looks slippery and empty.She is a great model and thats that.Hasleen although sumtyms she looks like a small boy was better coz she has some personality and was prepared as fucked for miss earth.
2010-if Nicole isnt happy we also hav one simple word to say to her, Dimple! She came back like Jesus blessed her personally and wudve preferred her over the final 3 put together.She looks rich n classy and cant pretend to care abt children and oder needy people.
2009-Harshita shudve gone to MU,yes her jaw is scary and she is tooooooo much into pageants bt she was good, the elite girl Ekta of course won followed by the dramatic pooja and right place right time shriya coz harshita cudnt win earth twice.
2008-everyone knew parrothy was gonna win, she was good and also favoured.Simran was a great surprise and Harshita also looked better in 08.
2007-Blasphemy! !!!Talkative Tun Tun won over goddess Puja G(top5 at mw 4 sure) and pooja c (top 5 at mu for sure) esha gupta, sum nicole girl and several oders, ofcourse now sarah is skinny coz she has to do movies whih r more imp than representing ur country it seems.
2006-We all knew Neha was gonna win, end of story, vibhinta and some girls were wasted though, like the matchstick Garima and pretend photographer Montu.
2005-its coz of Amrita's victory due to her loudmouth that all this has started.so blame her people!!! Sindhura also added insult to injury, Miss Lovely Niharika was good though.

Credit to santa banta for image.

Credits to owner of images.

We were updating this on all posts but got tired so we are declaring this here, Credits to owner of images and whoever claims rights over it, no need to pursue legal anything, we are the police, ghar ki baat hai, email bhrj ke suljha do.

Jatt to Jaat.

April 5 2014 "marc"ed the end of our resident fashion victim Navneet Kaur Dillen (how she pronounces it, not us), she with Megan Young (will she be called Megan Old when she's 40?) Crowned the beautiful and insipid Koyal Rana.Navneet's reign was a mess and sometimes it was more of a rain than a reign, as to how she didnt get dethroned is beyond us, she did get banished and will remain so for the rest of her life it seems, Megan looking regal in a ghagra via Agra had a different agenda, she had a point to prove to Jacqueline Fernandez for some reason and kept on pestering her. Koyal looked happy, as happy as her miniscule expressions allowed her to be, it would be interesting to see her compete at MW as we've never had a Caucasian Indian competing, while its safe to say that we have a different Miss India some may argue, how different is she to say, Navneet coz the girl is dead on stage and barely muttered a line or two like our beloved lady always in black.Here's wishing her all the best.

Credits to owner of images.