Diary of an ex femina miss india contest

It’s a cold winter morning and the quilt feels like my BFF right now warming me up as I go through my FB homepage.  Almost every second update is about some pageant or someone getting married, its winters so you do expect your fb page to get flooded with big fat indian wedding pictures but updates  about the potential beauty queens and the fans bashing other contestant to show support to their favorite contestant is something I’ve never understood .

Miss India didn’t just happen to me but I worked my butt off to be there in the top slot. I had prepared many years and groomed for it, worked hard on my body, gone through painful beauty procedures, three hours of gyming, yoga, buying makeup and dresses that costed me a bomb. Saying like this might sound cliché that ‘ Its always had been my dream to be a Miss India’  it indeed was mine too.

On the day of selection I got ready using my youtube taught techniques which I’ve been learning for years now and did hot bouncy wavy hair and Victoria secret kinda makeup ( gorgeously natural with heavy lashes) and reached the venue where a team of hair and makeup artists was doing it for the unprepared girls i.e the not-so-intrested girls who never really cared of grooming themselves but were there because the pageant lovers think they were beautiful and don’t even need to know that its ‘pageant’ and not ‘paegent’  cuse the team will make them win it anyways . It was a long and tiring process but the judges liked me and there I was standing amongst selected contestants and posing for the media like a venezulean beauty queen ( admit it that we all do it the Venezuelan way even if its about India).

And now started the real thing-The training. The team sounded very particular about being punctual, diet and the blah blah blah so we obeyed the rules (ok sometimes not coz of the late night so called official parties and shots  were too much to handle) . Being an avid follower of Miss India for so many years I must say that they are doing it better and better each year in terms of sponsors, dresses, designers, location etc  and even the coming year looks so posh. Our training was tough but fruitful. I’ve met the best people from the industry, be it for diction, costumes, diet, communication etc. I would like to mention Sabira Merchant ahh! what a lady, I don’t have enough words to express how much I adore this lady,apart from her the team included the best of the best. The pageant always have a favourite and the deciding factor is how apt you are for bollywood screen… and this favourite from the organization becomes the favourite of the pageant predictors because they can sense it that she is gonna win and they tag her as their favourite coz they don’t want their  elite expert predictor tag in danger…Well, There were times when the girls,myself included actually wanted to turn into a chandalika and vomit all that they knew was happening inside and wanted to kill the fav girl but keeping in mind their one in billion chance of getting that main crown,they resisted it everytime . Apart from that we never really had cat fights coz the cold wars substituted very well for that, the chaperons were the real spies who use to tell the team what their favorite has been up to.. but only if they were ready to listen.

Talking about the subcontests..well I think the sub-contests are a complete joke because it doesn’t count anywhere in the main score,some subtle and their titles were so bizarre. No matter what they say that your behavior is being noticed, we are going to select the top finalist on the basis of your punctuality etc etc- its BULLSHIT because the ones selected (top 10-12)  from our batch on the main day were too dumb to answer, were throughout known for their unpunctuality, tagged as stubborn by the chaperons and yes too weak to question the results. The drama went on for long and their favorites were announced the winners and now its time to fake how shocked we were to see them win- whatever, we knew it was coming,were quite prepared and already had our gossip session with fellow ‘deserving’ mates  how it was going to happen so it was a dull moment for us. I honestly didn't think I was gonna win,I thought I would either win it all or nothing,and I was happy not to win any mundane title,I was more upset about the girls whom I knew deserved more then they got.

 

For their fav(winner)  they have a policy and it is ‘saat khoon maaf’ it doesn’t matter what you do you’ll always be our fav.. so anyways its all about the ultimate  winner and it doesn’t count how good the other contestants were and its India, even if the hero kills the villian’s 36 rented gundays and someone stops him from killing the real villian, he is announced ‘bekasoor’. But besides this, it was something  I will always cherish,my journey, I’ve met the most beautiful souls, such inspiring people, I’ve seen amazing talents and so much more. It is indeed like a fairytale only a part of it is scripted otherwise it makes you believe in the power of your dreams. And it has given me so much in terms of knowledge, exposure, publicity (even my dry-cleaner and the bar-tenders in my city they know who I am ;p). I just wish it was more real and provided equal justice to the better deserving girls (there were so many girls who were better in every way )there was no sense of competition which takes away the drive in every girl(including the winner) to put in their bet and fight for the crown,nationally and internationally.   And then you pageant lovers say why is India lacking, yes we read all ur comments and know each of your names and ur tags,it's because 1 or 2 girls are chosen to win,1 more is chosen as potential among 5 6 hopefuls,rest are filler.  How can India place if the girl is all about the looks, no brains, dolled up by the army of hired professionals and marketed by your country’s leading publishing house.. You need a girl who can speak for herself, dress up like a million bucks on her own, has networking skills, dominates with her mere presence on the world stage- that’s what you call a personality cuse you can’t send your team of professional along with your future bollywood diva to talk, walk  and rock on her behalf. We as country need a wholesome representative,not an idea of that representative backed by experts who cuts the umbilical cord the moment their paycheck arrives.

But what I learned from my Miss India experience was they always look for potential Bollywood queen and not beauty queens. So the girls who want to enroll themselves in this major pageant should understand that ‘Miss India has always been my dream’ actually means ‘ I’m desperate to get into bollywood’. I hope Miss India organization takes a notice of their downfalls and gives us real beauty queens coz they are investing a lot but are sailing in wrong direction . Their investments should also be on a girl who will fight till the end like example Vanya Mishra,in a normal scenario,she wudve been top 10 at best, by fluke,luck or destiny,she won and till now remains Miss world 2012 in the hearts of many people. It's a beauty pageant,the winner is not gonna suit everybody's taste,there are some people today who still claims to not find Aishwarya Rai beautiful and might pass a lie detector test saying it.,but we are all beautiful,what's lacking is the substance and drive that used to be the criteria to win,there were years when a stunning girl didn't make past top 10 coz she had nothing but her beauty,now the same girl would win in today's scenario and no offense to her,God bless her but she will be lost internationally!The most beautiful girl can be lost in a sea of most beautiful girls from 80 countries,the most wholesome and driven girl will make everyone stand up and read her sash,and that's when u call a girl stunning,she literally stuns you,so let's find a girl among 30 beautiful girls who is the most stunning and yes,competition is necessary,even if you don't win,you can blame yourself ,walk out learning lessons on how to improve,winners appreciate her crown and value it,plonking a crown on a on the basis of facial beauty only makes the winner lazy and the rest of the girls bitter.

Would i take part again?most probably not . Will I cherish it?absolutely,to this day I can safely tell myself that I didn't lose coz I never competed for Femina Miss India,I was just a participant like the rest of my coz contestants.

Miss World 2014 - i will announce the number of my pubic hair in reverse order....

             

      Congratulations to the very well deserved ,probably wud've won any year if she competed except 1994,Rolene Strauss,the test tube lady(a test that went rather well) from South Africa was crowned Miss World at last night's shindig that happened in London(yawn,Julia's very own Las Vegas).

                  It began with sum singer singing we love girls and we do,it immediately moved on to my favourite segment,dances of the world and it also immediately became my not so favourite segment,i mean was the talent so scarce this year or the performers were picked out from a box of toffe wrappers???they all sucked!!! For sumone who says she is a classically trained and also comtemporary trained,  Koyal's dance reminded me of a overage aunty's first performance in Jhalak Dikhlaja.......how does sumone mess up a bollywood number is beyong me,hav u never gotten drunk and attended a wedding Koyal??jus listen to the music and gyrate every damn bone on ur body,dats how its done,the icing on the cake was,when she stopped to re-adjust her ghagra,was it flown in via-agra that it gave u so much trouble????Dont even get me started on the cowboy number by USA,like,wtf girl,is that the only culture USA has to offer???the potluck of all countries???Anyways goodbye to the dances of the world that ill never rewatch,ill probably just rewatch oka choka li dance from last year's Namibia's performance.........Megan was a good host TBH but my favourite is the unassuming and unintentionally funny Julia Morley offspring Steve,oh how they remind me of the evil mother son duo from Miss Congeniality hehehe.........i dint care to remember the other two names but the gay one was super annoying,come out come out of the closet...The girls then paraded in their evening gowns and boy we got to see some major fashion and major fuck ups and miss venezuela also(i thought they dint participate this year)The moment Royal Koyal glided down with her Megan bun and her transparent wrap,i immediately thought,oh boy 90's is here,the only thing missing was the signature diana,yukta,priyanka neckline........i love Lorene's elegant oscar salmon gown(its salmon now girls,bye bye royal blue),the work on Thailand's gown was exquisite,USA's gown was also majorly impactful.
                                How gorgeous did Aishwarya Rai looked in her Roberto Cavali number???she could compete and still win but if she decides to bring her mummy,hubby and adorable Aradhya in a place where she is being honoured,its a bit of a stretch,look girls,i got the Hubby,the kid,the fame ,the money and the mummy,like puhleeze girl,let me rot in my miserable life,i dt need to see anyone have it all like you,and wat abt the ugly black hooker dresses the girls were wearing for that dance like you are at a wedding number????Miss World is known for class,even Trump wudve found that segment cheap,Aishwarya dont need a bunch of girls dressed identitical in ugly dresses to stand out,lemme repeat,no i dt wanna type again bt still,sentiments.......the unrehearsed,be yourself segment brought out the sexuality of some girls faster than Sunny Leone dancing in a Gurgaon beer bar.It was unnecessary,classless and pitiful,like ,the virus Ebola
                 They first announced the interview scores and sadly,a country (in)famous for their interview skills dint even make top 25(even Kanishta did)and i knew we were in trouble,one by one all the fasttracks were announced with the semifinalists on stage ,what happened with the girls backstage who knew they no longer stand a chance in hell to win wud've been a sight to see........it was major WTF after WTFs as winners were called,the first one being the so called sing off,its american fuckin idol now???i dt wanna hear of a girl yapping in a high pitched voice with words i havnt heard,dats for rich people to enjoy and pretend to appreciate coz they no longer love normal things.The second major WTF was beauty with a purpose,the judges couldnt make a decision???fuck you,feed that bullshit to your fermented ass,if they couldnt make a decision that means they failed as judges and shudve been fired and left naked in the cold London streets pronto and probably throw ice cold water on them,how hard is it to pick one???Guyana shudve won,simple as that!!!Bosnia and Herzegozivaaree according to Megan was also another wtf,as host,miss world and a human,she shud know how to pronounce Bosnia and Herzegovina.

                  The show was fast paced up until now but Julia was tired of seeing excited faces so she started her random menopausal moves with the selection of top 5,as to how she and her employees,mind you,none of them were real people,people on her payroll or have been on her payroll rather ,selected the top 5 was ball scratching material. Since it was a pretty good group until England was announced,it was ok,oh England ,the woman who got ready in 1984,was stored in a  time capsule and released this year,whoever said Rolene's capsule baby was a rarity dint see this coming,the chinatown satin fabric,the glove,the circa 1980 prom hair,perfection,30 years ago..........at this point i stopped watching coz i was hoping the crown was bought for Koyal this year and although i am against Koyal,i thght it'd be ncie to see India win but hell no,the only benefit of all the money spent on Koyal and Julia was the so called no.1 position in the leaderboard,a copy of which i wanna print,roll it up and shove it up u kno who's ass...........A screaming Natasha Grover,who probably is down with minor problems like depression and major issues like a fucked up throat from all the screaming could be seen sitting right behind Julia and 3 rows above 2 other judges(the sleeping chinese man from 2012 finally was overthrown by these judges who decided to sit and snack with the audience,lol)besides gargling down salt in warm water,Natasha,you revolutionised the Miss India brand,maybe its time to re-evaluate the beuaty quotient, woh sabse shine karti hai is a line you could tell the loosing contestants bt not to Julia and her bitches,she did shine the most bt not like a diamond but like an invisible shine among a cluster of better shaped,better polished and better determined Diamonds and yes, its Koyal we speak of again.
       


            After finding out that Diandra Soares has been eliminated and Salman Khan is the kind of guy you MUST laugh at when he jokes,i switched back to see the girls singing you are the wind under my wings,you are the reason i was made,to      JULIA MORLEY!!!excuse me???fuck me Mike Tyson but I mean,did they have an option to refuse to be officially declared a Julia Morley prison bitch infront of a billion live audience?wind under my wings???is she holding a wind machine under the aeroplanes they flew into London from???reason i was made??what,is she gonna marry 121 girls each year???made for what??to please her ego???to satisfy her needs???is there a limit to kissing someone's ass or rather making people kiss your ass???this was the moment Ladies and Gentlemen,atleast Hitler had the balls to torture and punish the ones he dint like,with Julia,you have to do the ass kissing,even if she hates you or you belong to a useless country(for her)like, Guam.Apparently,the girls were interviewed but who wants to hear them speak anyway???Mrs,Morley touched my soul and gave me a giant spiritual orgasm,no thank you...........winners were announced and Hungary should win Miss Universe like,tomorow and usa is Natalie Glebova's Sneha Ullal(uglier version) and they sang and lived happily ever after in the Julia Morley manson where she fans their winds and remind them of their purpose of existence,in all these,i forgot to mention how i love Rolene,if there was  a consolation to enduring that 2.5 hours of major snooze fest and Julia Morley ego seduction video,it was her getting the crown,she so deserved it,she reminds me of Brook Shields ,so statesque and empowering,i would buy anything she is selling,Have a great reign Rolene.

credit to owner of images..........

Miss Supranational 2014 goes to.............................

         

          So we are late again bt who cares,its still a celebration,we won Miss Supranational 2014,we actually won the Supranational title for 2014 thanks to the fabulous Asha Bhat,we are so happy and thank ful to this leggy beauty that we almost wanna land up wer she lives and give her a giant french kiss on her crown.......never has the crown,title or sash graced our country and Asha has brought these things plus pride to our country on a medium unexplored,it is such a huge thing to be the first to do anything in life before others and to do that while bringing pride to ur country,at 22 dats most of us could just dream of doing that or at 32 or sum of you would just bring shame,lol. 

So,congrats to Asha on her amazing accomplishment. We never had doubts abt Asha to be perfectly honest,she could've won ANY pageant she went to,but no other pageant wudve gotten her the bragging rights to be crowned as the first ,unlike say Urvashi Rot-in-hella who wins international pageants that are held once and then forgotten in history as that thing that dint deserve to be remembered. 

                    I loved her performance,she owned the very expensive and elaborate stage like it was no one else's business,the production and quality of entertainment beyond most of the recent Miss universe pageants and all of Miss World,Supra is on its way to glamourising pageants in its true form,beauty and entertainment,no advocacy bull shit,what's the point of saying something doing nothing about it,it's been 10 years and the hole in the ozone layer has actually increased and global warming is at an all time high due to hostile crazy fanatics declaring world war 3 on anyone who speaks against Miss *hint fart hint*,Supra stands for power beyond country and Government rules.....wonder what our new queen would do with her power,we hope she fires Obama coz he is a terrible President,ban the military rule in Myanmar and help Au Sang ,our education system India,so many things to choose from wonder what she will do with her powers. What we want though is for her to get a kick ass bollywood resume and do some damage to Katrina Kaif s career coz that's the battlefield all of us indian hope to win at least once in our lifetime and with the euphoria of her win and the experience she has gained,backed by the media giant Times of India,the possibilities are limitless. We wanna advice her to enjoy for a while,map out her plan,look at her options carefully and not get carried away and Asha,the engineering thing is history now so pls dt even contemplate that idea anymore and whatever it is enjoy every moment and continue to kick major asses ....we wish you all the luck in your career and future ahead.

Credits to Miss Supranational fb page for images...........

Manasvi Mamgai's action is better than Jackson!!!

                  This weekend,the world will witness the most important event of the year,Manasvi Mamgai will make her bollywood debut and oh boy,does she......Every review she is appreciated,whistles,claps and hooting ruled whenever she appeared onscreen,we were at the screening and could nt believe that this girl was denied the miss world crown i choked on my coke the moemnt she appeared and acted her guts out,literaly where a goon is trying to molest her or smething,from the moment she starts yearning for AJ,sweats dripped inside the freezing pvr theartre with a/c on full blasts,suddenly couples on dates started arguing,girls were busy lookng anything but the screen,stealing sneaky side stares to see if where their man's eyes were glued where they dint want it to be glued,teenagers with their families were busy whatsapping their frens abt this great movie and hot babe they need to bunk their next couple of classes for, so much was the euphoria and chaos created inside the theatre by Queen Manasvi, i didnt sweat but a tiny tear rolled down my eyes,looking at the girl i saw in elite like 10 years back and was praying would win Miss India sum day and now she is there,infront of me and people r goin fuckin nuts over her, rarely does it happen that u ananimously follow sumone from the side and they achieve the ultimate success and you stare at them like this,so proud of her like u wud be of ,if they were one of your real frens,i had that moment and i wanna thank Manasvi me for doin me proud as a fan and as an eternal admirer,

.........before posting,I did a bit of hustle bustle thru google and found an interesting interview where she mentions she was devastated for one year when she didn't win Miss World,trust us Manasvi,the feeling was mutual with us too.

Earlier this year,a man dressed like Nicole Faria made his debut in a movie called yaariyan,dunno abt yaariyan  bt watching it made us wanna kill our friends who dragged us to the theatre to watch that monstrosity of a movie which can be best described as Divya Khosla's way of saying,I'm rich,I can do anything fuckers!!! Despite being branded mediocre by he-Nicole ,Manasvi's debut is anything but that,A list director,A list stars and a sure shot formula to a roaring 100 crore collection movie. Cherry on top???She has a kick ass item number titled,Gangster Baby,which will bring in all the $$$ thru stage shows,Guess Manasvi's winning habit never really went away,she just did it different this time.

Have u noticed the subtle or maybe coincidental nods to Miss World fast tracks ???we sure have...below is a collection of stills that had us crackling with the irony attached to the fast tracks, for now,book your tickets and guys,don't wear tight pants...here's to Manasvi, the woman who will win the biggest title of all,Queen of Bollywood.

Gangster baby video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kh2V9kJlimo 

Link to her very honest and heartfelt TOI interview, which can bring tears to even Nicole Faria's eyes.......she will lose her grey contacts when she does so,bt she will still cry......http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/entertainment/hindi/bollywood/news/Manasvi-Mamgai-I-am-proud-of-having-made-it-on-my-own-without-either-my-father-or-a-Godfather/articleshow/45307243.cms

Credit to Eros ent. ,google images and pagalworld.com for Images and video
and timesofindia for article.

Miss FARTH 2014

Hello pageant puppets, Pageant police is in the house...last time we posted,we were all Alankrita in our tone but we are now depressed due to the mockery of a pageant that unfortunately exists in this world,it was founded by a bunch of jobless hijras and an old lady who politely accepts money for crown. The main reason of its existence however way they mother nature fart into  our throats is to please the over populated Philipinos all over the world who have three things in common,they all always seem to be infront of their computers,they all are tickling time bombs to anything dats is less than perfect when sumone is talking about their country and no fear of Lucifer or God when defending their ivory tower of a country that sumhow blessed us less mortals with their presence in this Earth. Yes I hate everything associated with the Philippines and no my best fren is not Pinoy,if I see one I'll probably pin them to the ground and kick them in the nuts if they hav one,since 78% of them are transvestites and of course fabulous. My only knowledge of the country stems from the time when voy forums were our only source of cursing our asses out in support of our pageant delegates,since that time,the amount of freedom these baboons enjoy over anonymity has baffled me, so much in need of approval they have from the world and themselves,thy created a pageant of their own to satisfy their dying egos, hence MISS EARTH was born, on the topic of honesty,we do not think Alankrita shudve won,she at best deserved a top 16 placement and I think she shud have . My gripe is with the millions of people who hav 100 to 1 percent of Philipino blood and bullying the pageant world with their dial up service provider. Girls did NOT spent hundreds of dollars coming to ur 3rd world country to see that yellow teeth bitch getting crowned. What the country lacks is originality,they have nothing of their own and riding on laurels of scraps thrown to them by the world, a copycat pageant,bad mashup of top 3 Pageants in the world, rebuttal techniques used by America's Next Top Model contestants and their so called borrowed roots of Latin America like wtf,Go Fuck Yourselves....they will now find a mental problem with me and I'm probably gonna get death threats,and you know what ???I'm gonna get immense satisfaction in that coz that is my intention. Of course I do believe there are some good and sensibles Pinoy out there but if I am to bring in pest control in my house,I won't be picking which pests don't bother me,hence the generalization. I overall think they should get a grip,stop being happy over their wins(it's like ur mama saying it's beautiful to an ugly painting u made,means nothing)and get a reality check. You are a bunch of jobless and lifeless losers who have nothing but time to beat ur own drums,NO ONE TAKES YOU SERIOUSLY ,corousel and the army of fags coming my way.

Miss Earth???eco???mother nature??? I'll have a better chance of convincing you to lick the shit off of my ass than you guys convincing actual enviromentalists to consider you a real deal. There are no warriors of mother earth,the only thing ur doing is polluting the world with ur unearthly sentiments and bullshit advocacy,my maid,no shez not Philipino,makes more money in a month than Miss Earth org has raised for the environment in their entire existence,if you wanna save mother earth, stay away from it!